Be wary it's scary!

Brooklyn past Nostrand is scary
It's as a really dark dark
As I walk around I am wary
Of every loud noise yell or bark

I walk down the street past the hospital
And I'm trying to go pretty quick
And this rhyme well it's nigh impossible
An impossible hospital trick

The streets down this way all have weird names
Like Utica, Nostrand, New Kirk
And people around her don't play games
I'm moving at high alert

Some parts of the city are scary
When I'm all all alone in the night
Its these times I am glad that I carry
My firearm! - tucked well out of sight

j/k :-)

My Lovely One

My lovely one is lying there
She's half asleep, without a care
I stop a moment just to see
How lovely lovely she can be

I know she is real proud of me
To know my world depends on she
I know that I am jubilee
When I come home how can it be?

How to feed a pregnant wife?

How to feed a pregnant wife?
This is the question in my life
To bring her chicken or some steak?
Will it please or will she break?
If I come home with broccoli
Will she barf or be happy?
And if I'm serving up some bread
Will it stay, or come up instead?

If I feed her rice and peas
Will she get sick or will it please?
If I hold the peas just give her rice
Will her stomach then play nice?
If I give her diet coke
Will she swoon or will she choke?
If I make a matzah ball
Can she eat one bit at all?

Ideally I would have her fat
Eating this and eating that
However it's so unfortunate
What you want's not what you get
What to do what can I try?
To sate her and not make her cry
I feel so useless, so damn dumb
The one thing's left, is call my mum!

Gila

(Gila pronounced 'G' as in gain, 'I' as in immaculate, and 'LA' as in 'do ray mi fa so la'...

What can I say of the one called "Gi-la"?

She's so exotic - she comes from afar!

Her voice is enchanting; it lights up the room

Her suitors in awe (oh to watch the men swoon!)

Gila's the greatest - yes she is the best

(Some even think she was born a princess!)

She is the grandest, the grandest of all

The queen for a day & the bell of the ball!

When you think of Gila how could you compare

Her majestic manners to anyone out there?

When she comes around - well you know, there's a buzz

If there's a doubt that she's got it - she does!

The Sabbath Bride

Its Friday night its a night that I prize
A night that's so special it captures my eyes
The rest of the week all to Friday it drives
Friday, when I arrive home with two wives!

If there's a day of which I would relate
If there's a night which I'd tell you "it's great!"
A day of the week that I must say's first rate
It's Friday, the day I come home with 2 mates!

All other days towards Friday they slide
The end of the week - I can't wait to arrive
Now on Shabbat the good Lord doth provide
The one and the only, the Sabbath Night Bride!

Romance Argentine (2)

We'll I've got some thought that I've put into rhyme
About the wild wonderful south Argentine
Ladies with Tango that dance in the street
Beautiful lovely they are such a treat

Enticing entrancing just watching them spin
(So much enjoyment but still not a sin!)
Beatufil rhythmic they whirl to the time
Tremendous ballet... their movement - sublime!

If I love to ninety I reckon I'll rate
Better than everything else to that date
Better than diamonds down in a mine
Nothing compares to that Tango sublime

Romance Argentine

Oh how I long for romance Argenteen
Where the lake are so blue and the mountains so green
Where the coast meets the ocean proceeds endlessly
An Argentine romance would surely suite me

Oh how I long for an Argentine girl
Together, to tango we endlessly whirl
To show me the cities and out to the sea
An Argentine woman would surely suit me

Oh how I long for an Argentine home
Where day after day the the grounds I would roam
Tother with romance and woman so fine
I know I would love growing old Argentine.

Games

Games it is I like to play

I could play them everyday

Which game is it you will choose?

Some you win and some you lose

A-Rod's got to go!

(chorus)
Hey hey! Ho Ho!
A-rod A-rod's got to go!
(x2)

Now A-rod was a player at the top of the league
But now he's just a player that we just don't need
His steroids and his arrogance is who he is
He really shouldn't ever be back in this biz

(Chorus)

Once upon a time he was the best that lived
But now that time has past and he is just livid
So everybody gather round and give the call
"A-rod you're are a cheater so leave baseball"

(Chorus)

(bridge)
Dear A-rod please don't scream and shout
And please take Weiner on your way out!

Now when they write up A-rod in the history
He'll fill so many pages with his misery
A-rod you should know you're a disgraceful sod
It's time for you to go and get another job

(Chorus)

Sally Mae LeRue

"That's enough! I'm through! I'm through!"
Said Little Sally Mae LeRue
"I've had enough! What what! I say!"
Said Sally in her deep dismay

The story here, well its quite sad
It's o'er a girl (and not a lad)
The problem is with ms LeRue
She simply has too much to do!

Sally has her days quite packed
Only ten - Imagine that!
In the morning she plays her flute
Simultaneous she her maths computes

Once she's done there's no delay
She must continue with her day
Next is breakfast - nosh a bite
While she must her prayers recite

Then next she must be off to school
While her bike she must re-tool
At nine sharp she scurries into painting
All the while football participating

Next she must remember geography
While taking turns at botany
Spanish things all in her clothes
And roses coming out her nose

The school bell rings and she is out
To go and join the cute girl scouts
Where they make her haw a tree
While she's trying to sell a cookie

At last done she does return
To home where she must homework learn
And little brothers baby-sit
It's enough to cause a fit!

So little Sally had it rough
And little Sally'd had enough
"I can't I can't too much to do!
See y'all I'm off to Timbuktu!"

Nana Billie (Eulogy)

Nanna Billie was a tough old bird - You'd best be on your guard
She wasn't one to be deterred - Which makes this day so hard
When I think of the Sweeney mother - and all the marks she makes
There really is no other  - and right now my heart... it breaks

To the nan who's always with me - to the nan who always tried
To the nan who'd offer: "Have a cup-a?" (tea) - you fill my heart and mind

I miss you nan I love you. I can't believe you're gone
All I can do is think of you the stock from which I'm drawn
And now that you're in heaven, let's try to speak with rising dawn?
Because I miss the light you shined on me - its hard to move along

Nanna Billie was a tough old bird one I would never trade
The best Nanna in the world as long as we obeyed
Now we say goodbye to you, and hold you in our hearts
The world goes on without you, but with fits and starts

Hattitude

I just happen to have the most awesome hat
Better than a hoodie better than a cap
It's color is orange it suits to a tee
Now all of the ladies they really dig me

It's made of straw and its got a black ribbon
Its surely the greatest of all of my provisions
If I had to rate it I'd give it a ten
And that's why I'm the envy of all of the men

Poofy Hair

Oh the joy of poofy hair
It's the best I do declare!
Hair's the best wehn grown real tall
Look at her belle of the ball!
Oh my  my her hair's so cool
It's got moxie and voodoo
In all my life I must confess
"Poofy" is the hair I love the best

Olive Tree

Here I am at Olive Tree
Lots of food I'm so happy
Across the table sits my bride
She's the one my joy & pride
She's the one the one I love
Sent to me from high above

Baby coming on the way!

Baby coming on the way
Very soon will be your day
And life will change in magic ways
A brand new start to mothering days
A whole new life about to start
A new young mother love in her heart
In your life a whole new part
In your mind a brand new spark
Hope you've got the space & room
For new life will shortly bloom
With good luck the bride and groom
Conceive a blessing from her womb

Cheer!

Getting up this morning
Rising with the dawn
Another day another way
To move this life along

A little breeze behind you
As you're walking thru the door
As the world around wakes up again
There's another day in store

Don't know where you are?
You're not alone
There's a lot to do in the meantime
You're only as old as you think you've grown!

Be yourself
Be the light
Keep on keep on keep on it will be alright
Sing with your friends
Make sure the music never ends
Keep exploring what's around the bend

Dear Mrs Walker

Dear mrs Walker
It's Monday I feel so afraid
I am no stalker
But this rain... it has ruined my parade

Dear mrs Walker please please tell me something
Something great so that I can get through
Dear mrs Walker I know I know only one thing
If only I knew what I knew

My days are so strange
As they keep going by
I wake everyday
And I try try try!

Dear mrs Walker
I don't mean to bother but I'm blue
Dear mrs Walker
Life is no good when on tests I can't copy off you!!

Your paper might not be right
You might not know how to count
But even so I think I might
Copy off your numbers... again... tonight!

Pregnant Man

Boy I say I need a break

Another day I cannot take

Do the same thing everyday

I need a break! What what! I say!

 

I have got a master plan

For time away in this endless span

Perhaps you'll find me irreverent

But my plan's to get pregnant

 

I'd be the first the world has seen

A pregnant man - oh such esteem!

I'd be so special you would say

Tom - you can have time off today

 

I'd be so luscious and so proud

A phenomenon with quite a crowd

I'd be a symbol of the new

As in my belly living matter stews

 

Yes this is my master plan

(I must say it has got elan!)

Pregnancy will set me free

So I can write dorky poetry

Dark Matter blues

Howdy ya'll have you heard the news?
Dark matter - maybe got you confused?
Turns out that in our universe
Things exist that aren't so obvi-erse
... More to things in life than we can see
More to understand about the universe... well I'll be!
Well hold your breath and count to three

'Cause matter is the matter
The question we possess
It's a cause of chatter
It's really such a mess
Matter is the matter
that's makin' all the news
Crazy as a hatter
The Dark Matter blues!

Take a break

Need some time to recompose
Need some time to blow my nose
Yes I think my work is great
But sometimes I just need a break

Practice Practice all day long
At the end: "goodbye so long!"
Sometimes I must say I feel
What's the rush? Hey! What's the deal?

NYC Subway

Riding subway trains
It's wearing on my brains
Its hard to explain
But I'm gonna go insane

People all around
People they abound
The thin and the round
... And they're making such a sound

Feeling so boxed in
In the middle of this din
Did I ommit some sin?
'Cause right now I'm sufferin'

Try to fin my peace
Avoiding people's sneaze
Just lookin' for release
God help me thru this please!

1 + 2 = 4?

Math is not my strong suit
I just need you to know
And that is why one plus one
Results in sixty four

Adding and Subtracting
So very hard for me
And that is why six plus six
comes equal to thirteen

I wish that I could multiply
Or that I could divide
But I can't do it, no I can't
No matter how I've tried

You'd think that with a calculator
That maybe I'd improve
But six and three - still to much for me!
My numbers never groove

One plus one is two
And two plus two is four
But three plus three I've no idee
... But it might be sixty four?

Computers

Computers rule the world we're in
It's what we do, from day to day
Your nothing if you don't log in
You can't connect? Please go away

Without computers where are we?
Lost in the world with no plan
Alas! Alas! Woe is me!
I could use a friendly hand

People are limited, that is for sure
Imperfect impractical we
Computers are logical, honest and pure
But take a look and you'll see

Suppose for a moment the network is down
For one day - or two days! Or for three!
There's a lot more to life so please take a look 'round
And explore the world sans PC

Living, living on the grid
All about your facebook page
Alas! You've become so disconnected
From life in this digital age

Computers never love you back
They whir and wind constantly
And that is why you must find you a match
Because friends have a "no crash" guarentee

Ode to the dorky

Oh...

I have a need to say something quite dorky today
Yes I have a need to put myself up for display
There's something that's dwelling right in the center of me
An urge to get down to the business of being dorky

So I have decided that I'm gonna sing you a song
And if you would like you are welcome to come sing along
My song's about getting out, going, and doing your part
Coming together with friends, to sing from your heart

... and the chorus goes like this

(Chorus)

This is a song about dorkiness all over the world
We've opened our mouths to sing, and we will be heard!
Open your heart and your mind and I promise you'll see
That life's pretty good when you live it dorky!

Finding your way through the day in this life can be tough
People are arrogant, mean, and insulting gruff
So always remember as you get to the end of your day
To let it all go - live your life! - Stowe your troubles away!

(Chorus)

For all of my friends who are friends through and through
This is a dorky song dedicated to my friendship with you
If there's ever a day in your life when your down when your blue
Please remember me singing this song, and know I'm with you

Ode to the PLG

For those who do not know it
For those who have no clue
Livin in the PLG's
The coolest thing to do

Prospect Lefferts Gardens
Has got it going on
Such a funky neighborhood
Its better than Milan

People from around the world
We are a motley crew
No better place to be I say
To spend a day with you

Women

Women are the best
With women I've been blessed
From Adam's chest delightfulness
Lovely to caress

Women are the worst
With women I've been cursed
No escape for heaven's sake
My tears about to burst

Fights With My Stomach

Dear Stomach I love you and appreciate
You are my best friend when I've ate what I ate
But why then so angry? Must you remonstrate?
You moan and you groan - can you give me a break?

Rumbling and tumbling you're up to no good
Why so upset? Please behave like you should!
Please please I beg you I haven't understood
Why you don't like me when I've eaten food

Faux Inspiration

Gee I love your cause
You deserve applause
You're my hero yes you are
You're a super-duper star

I love all the things you do
My heart soars when I talk to you
I think that throughout the world
Every where you should be heard

You say I should help with the matter?
Oh really! Well I'm certainly flattered
I didn't know that's how you felt
I certainly would love to help

But Mondays I know won't be good
Tuesday's I'd help if I could
But Tuesday and Wednesday are right out you see
As are Thursdays, Fridays and Satur-dees

But maybe on Sunday maybe let's just see
Oh no I forgot! It's impossible see?
I would love to help with your mission sublime
I would be thrilled to help... I just haven't the time

Dorky Poetry is Hard!

I love my baby, my baby loves me
-Oops I guess I stole that, guess it isn't Dee Pee
Love is like a piece of cake soaked in sour rye
-Who the heck would eat that? And who would even try?

Did you ever know that you're my hero?
OMG my poetry's a zero!
'cause you know its true
... everything I do
... erm, actually "some of the things I do"
Don't actually work out as they ought to
Boo hoo! Boo hoo! Boo...

You're still reading this?

Harvey the hedgehog

Harvey was a hedgehog
Who ran from hedge to hedge
And everywhere that Harvey went
No time to stop and veg

His parents always wondered
If Harvey would slow down
But day to day to their dismay
Harvey ran across this town

And people came to wonder
From all across the town
How Harvey could just run and run
And never would sit down

Some people tried to ask him
But still he would not stop
So it seemed like Harvey
Would run until he dropped

So one day across the village
They came up with a plan
A giant net they did construct
And o'er the main street hang

And sure enough came Harvey
All busy and a blur
Caught in the net oh golly!
It made an awful stir

When word got out a hubbabub
Whirled right through the town
And everyone come out to see
If Harvey was really down

And there he lay a panting
Exhaughted from his run
"Why'd you do it Harvey?"
Came a cry out of the scrum.

"To tell the truth I do not know
Just seemed the thing to do
Busy-ness is where its at
So I got busy too"

"With so much trouble in our village
And so much sorrow in our land
I thought if I could run and run
I wouldn't give a damn"

"And for a time it worked out great
There was a time of bliss
But by and by I missed my mom
And the bedtime nighty kiss"

"But by that time I had a problem
I'd forgotten how to stop
And I was worried I'd run on and on
Until at last I dropped"

"So people of the village
Thanks one and thank you all
But if you please where is my mom?
She the best - the best of all!"

She

She, who in her ecstasy
She, to spend eternity
She, she is all that's on my mind
Her radiance could make me blind

Me, a state of disbelief
Me, floating with nothing underneath
Me, a burning effigy
Ablaze a-craze to be with she