I wish

 I wish I wish I had gills

So I could swim like a fish

I wish I didn’t have chills

While I’m eating a tasty Knish

I wish I lived somewhere less hot 

Cause when I’m hot… I just rot

I wish I could use mommy’s iPad

14 hours or so in the day

I wish I wish you weren’t so mad

When I don’t do what you say 

I wish I wish we all could 

Find a way to express 

How much I need your attention 

When I have it, I am very blessed 

Nothing is nothing

 The world is filled with many things

There’s me and you and that 

But sometimes we say “nothing”

When it’s really not accurate 

You see if you are doing nothing 

And know so am I 

Then count’em that’s two nothings

Doing nothing you know why?

Cause straight up in my diary

I wrote about the day 

And if you did too well golly gee

Two nothings wrote something that will absolutely stay.

And if I say “I love you”

And you say “love you too”

You might think it is nothing - but on the other hand you might think it is everything - the love I share with you.

The Tickle Pickle from Ausfernickel

In the southernly town of Ausfernickel
Where everything's made out of pumpernickel
Except for the fountain of grass

The people enjoyed drinking Fastferdinkel
And children could sop up the blastbetinkel
In big shiny cups made of glass

And the farmers would chop with a pickle sickle
And then get a laugh from the tickle pickle

In a land made of jelly and rass

I Had a Dream Last Night

Last night as I lay down to sleep and put down my canasta

I lay in bed put down my head and stared at alabaster

I dreamt I had a little girl who's name (I think) was Anna
And I dreamt that somewhere in my life, there also was a camera

And in this dream I had a plate filled to the brim with pasta
"Hmm", I thought "I really need to ban Anna from the camera"
But maybe when the words came out I wasn't quite the masta
Because instead right at my head came two giant banana - ejected from the camera 

Popcorn goes where?

 Kids KIDS! There’s no need for despair 

The day is not lost even though there’s a storm 

So pick yourselves up and decide what you’ll wear

You know what we’ll do? We will make some popcorn 

Popcorn aplenty so all can have some 

Popcorn yes popcorn oh boy and gee whiz

Popcorn is perfect when the weather is glum

And everyone knows that when all’s said and done 

The right place to eat it is…

… on the floor 

… by the door 

… On the Sofa 

… In the shower with a luffah

Timmy The Turtle Flew South

 Timmy the Turtle was swimming around one day, when he thought to himself:

"It's gotten quite chilly in here! I think it's time I migrate south"

So Timmy packed up all his belongings and... wait, turtles don't migrate!

Timmy: I do

And how do you migrate, Timmy?

Timmy: I fly

Fly? How can you fly? You have no wings!

Timmy: I fly just like you do. By airplane!

and how do you book a ticket on an airplane?

Timmy: I call and make a reservation using my shell phone. I called American Airlines and told them I want the soonest flight out to south beach, Miami.

So Timmy made a reservation to head to Miami, Floria. On the day of his flight, he traveled to the airport... Wait a minute, how does a turtle "travel" alone to an airport?

Timmy: I went by shell-o-copter

Ah, I see. And you were just traveling by yourself, right? No family or friends?

Timmy: It might sound like I was being selfish. But turtles cannot be selfish, for the same reason they cannot be shellfish (though I did dress up as a lobster one halloween) - turtles are not fish!

So Timmy flew south for the winter, took the elevator - sorry, shell-e-vator to his apartment, and hung out at Venice beach, and wooed all the female turtles - wait.a second, there are no turtles on Venice beach!

Timmy: Mr. narrator, surely by now you must have realized that nearly anything is possible if you have a shell and you can find another word that can be "shell-ified"

Narrator: I'm beginning to. Timmy, why don't you go on with your own story. I've been shellacked

Timmy: Ha ha ha that was a good one mr. Narrator! And thus Timmy the turtle was recognized as the greatest turtle - nay, the greatest amphibian the world(!) has ever known. The tales of Timmy the Turtle "shell" live on for all time!

Shell we continue?

One "control" to rule them all

 If there was just one thing out there
That I could control
It's not my lunch, or my dinner or
A lovely sausage roll

It's not the car and where we drive
It's not the bees in their bee hive
It's not the TV nor how its wired
It's not the kiddies when they're tired

Not my age as I grow older
Not the thermostat as I grow colder
Not the clouds and not the seas
Not the dog infused with fleas

Not the news and not the cat
Not the jumping acrobat
Not the frogs and not the toads
Nor thermonuclear launch codes

There's just one thing I'd wish to control
It's not a rat and not a mole
If just one thing God would grant me
The thing I'd like to control - is me!