Hubert and Neubert

Hubert was a train conductor
Neubert was his train
Across the land the pair would go
Over mountains through the plains

Neubert loved the things they saw
But oceans best of all
Hubert loved them too except
He loved Neubert best of all

For years and years and years and years
the two were quite the pair
For wherever you saw Neubert
You knew Hubert was near there

The train conductor's loyalty
unquestionable - beyond sway
But then a sad thing happened
On a very gloomy day

You see Neubert had gotten older
Too old to do his job
So the company had to call poor Hubert in
And tell him while he sobbed

"You're days with Neubert are over
He's too old to go on
We have another train for you
her name is Amazon"

So Hubert had a new train
and oer the plains they'd go by
But it didn't matter where they went
All Hubert did was cry

And Amazon saw Hubert
The pain that he was in
 And she knew that for poor Hubert
There was only one thing left for him

So late one night when all was dark
she crept into the station
Hubert got out and Neubert squeeked
Reunion jubilation!

Hubert boarded Neubert
And he fired up the stove
And together once again at last
Happily away they drove

And that was more than twenty years ago
But the rumors say
That if you pay attention
You can still see them today

Hubert driving Neubert
Over mountains and through plains
Neubert glad to be out again
And Hubert loves loves loves his train!

The end

Don't mess with peas!

Philip Falwell was a pea
A dashing smashing pea was he
In his pod he grew and grew
For what purpose he never knew

Then one day the word came round
- oer the hills and through the ground
The season's come for harvesting
Which Philip found disheartening

See Philip was happy to grow and grow
Not remotely ready to be harvested so
Philip was happy as he grew and grew
He wasn't ready to become a stew

So Philip said:

"I'm looking for a few draftees
To bring freedom to all peas
All for one and one for all
They'll never take us - we'll never fall!"

And peas together gathered round
And formed into a gigantic mound
A ferocious sight put on display
So ferocious that the farmers cancelled harvest day

And Philip led the winning war
Unexpected heretofore
And having now saved all the peas
He said "hey, vacation! ... in Belize!"

And Philip led them towards Belize
Towards good living by the sea
When they arrived to a light breeze
They shouted "Philip! Greatest of all peas!"

Takin on TV

Now folks let's get to talking cause I know you watch TV
But media is a-changin' and it's time for dorky poetry
TV can be addictive, so many shows to spot
But let me tell you all right now dorky poetry's just a HOT!

I just need an angle and then the battles over
You best tell the TV that it better run for cover
Television's porky - me I am so dorky
I'm fresher than you've ever been TV your are cold turkey

TV can't take the hotness of dorky poetry
Who cares about the shows its got when you can rhyme like you were three?
I'm givin it fair warning, it's time has come and gone
The time of dorky-poetry's now so people now C'MON!

Dork dork dorky ... dorky poetry's where it's at
You cannot stop the hotness, you cannot handle that
Dork dork now dork it up! Ok I've gone too far
But stick with me - eshew TV - I'm awesomer by far!

Barack in a smock

Christmas time's arrived
Soon new years will be hear
And all I want to get my friends
- please listen, let's be clear -

Barack in a smock while he's singin punk rock
Bush jr with a tuner singin hoppin like a crooner

McCain on a crane while he's shouting "what's my name?"
Embattled mrs Clinton getting back to feeling sane

Palin going sailin she's got Ruskies on the brain
Biden all a-smilin' saying "How old am I again?"


Ryan on a lion going on about Zion

Mitt in a pit accusing Obama of lyin'

O'reilly less wily maybe even a bit smiley
McCain on a plane, looking just the least bit lively

Tom cruise has new shoes while he's singin' the blues
Newt's feeling less abused, but he still abhores the news

And people all around the world from land until the sea
Are shouting for the ultra special secret opportunity
To be the next star fallen on reality TV

--- That's all I want for me ---

Politic-itis

Dear Mr Obama I know you had hopes
And in your campaign you hit all the right notes
America's sick and its not rheumatitis
In fact what we've got is called politic-itis

Yes we're very sorry for attacks from the right
Which we know have got you up all day and night
Like a viral infection in Washington DC
The government is sick - it's been put on IV

Dear president Obama I know that you know
That you were our last hope for which way to go
Partisan politics need to go but instead
We find that the fighting and vitriol has spread

Its not your fault, no please I don't blame you
For this condition's not entirely new
But to be truthful we're all feeling blue
For we still have hopes that our pols will come through.

(To be continued...)

False friends

Words are very tricky, especially so when
Instead of speaking in just one language your speaking in ten
Similar sounding words across the languages occur
And that is why in Hebrew she is he... because he is her!

While dining in Jerusalem, feel free to order "dog"
It isn't what you think it is - you'll be okay with god. ("dag" mean fish in hebrew)
Israel has a "mafia" on each and every block
Filled with delicious cookies, unless they're out of stock

Language is confusing, enough to get you miffed
You better be on guard I say for Germans giving gifts (... that's German for "poison")
And "Ich bin ein Berliner" means your filled with sweet sweet jelly
Just like "a la mode" is talking 'bout a pie and not something more revolutionary

Much better off your are, many times much better
To get an Englishman's blessing rather than a Frenchman's "blesser"
The Spanish love their "mami's", as Israeli's also do
But in England to love your mom like that is totally taboo

In Germany a "waffle" is not something you eat (it's a rifle)
In fact I'm sure the Germany would ban waffles from the street.

Likewise when a Spanish girl says she's "muey embarrasado"
She's saying that she's pregnant, its not a faux-de-pass-do (... okay, I cheated on that one)


And don't be fooled I tell you now don't think that you're in luck
'cause he's not saying "you're a jewel" when he tells you you're a schmuck
A Frenchman who is telling you that he wants your "support"
Is telling you get on your feet, not to help him out in court

Bagelsday

I've a suggestion for us all if you please
Inspired by bread, raisins, and lots of cream cheese
We need to celebrate its just not okay
That though there are seven days there's no Bagelsday

Well I propose that Bagelsday come right after Shabbat
Such a pleasure to wake up with Bagels that are hot
And covered with cream cheese, lathered with jam
Or on special occasions with salmon or lamb

It could be so biblical we could recall
As bagels like manna from the sky they would fall
And each of us happy for what we've received
A jolly day for all that is so well conceived

We could all sit around, as we munch up with joy
Our bagels - so perfect! - for a growing boy
And for a girl who is growing big too
It's Bagelsday fun as we all say "wahoo!"

Don't tell me I'm genius I know that I am
Bagelsday's the best idea known to women and men
Thanks are in order but everyone if you please
It's all inspiration from bread, raisins and cream cheese

Vegan Food

Vegan food vegan food
When you're hungry and in the mood
Vegan food vegan food
Have it raw or have it stewed

Today is the day for tofu hot dogs
Tomorrow take the tofu and make quahogs
Tofu Tofu everywhere!
("Psst you pronounce it 'Dofu'") what? I do not care

30 years old

Happy birthday to me!

Happy birthday to me!

Today I turn 30 and its awesome OMG! 

Something

Something something maybe its just nothing
But maybe it is something something out of nothing

Sitting with on a pumpkin which I'm sharing with bumpkin
I said how do you do? He said, "Hi my name is Lumpkin"

Lumpkin had a story and it was rather haury
About a girl named Dorry who'd met him on a lorry

Dorry wasn't frightening in fact she was enlightening
My senses were a-heightening when it hit me like forked lightning

"You mean Dorry from Bombay?" I met here just today
Just over by the bay - and she told me "s'il vous plait"

I tried to speak her languages but I ended up in bandages
So I took her out for sandwiches as we discussed old adages

Sabbath Song

Six days a week the world whirls quickly
And everyone is working on their feet
But Shabbat breaks all that up discretely
A holy day to change your ways once a week

And everyday the world's about possession
Trading time to gain more than you've got
But on the seventh day its time for decompression
Build "A cathedral in time" - shalom! - now that's shabbat!

(Chorus)

Everyday, we work and we play
But come shabbat, our souls to G-d we lift
And spend the day to celebrate G-d's gift

The shabbath is a day away from society
The other six days a week we work towards a goal
And those six days we feed the body with variety
But the Sabbath is a day to feed the soul

(Chorus)

Sing the sabbath rhyme - "A cathedral in time"
Seven days a week - but the sabbath for your soul

(Chous)