Silly fruit puns

 

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Bad Fish Puns

1. According to Kermit the Frog, what kind of fish is only an illusion?
2. What kind of fish can you find in heaven?
3. What fish likes right triangles?
4. What fish keeps the neighbors up at night?
5. What fish chases mice?
6. What fish likes to run with peas?
7. What fish belongs in a non motor boat?
8. What fish works in the circus?
9. What fish can make you rich?
10. What kind of fish colonizes the world?
11. What kind of fish blows down houses?
12. What fish works at a college?
13. What fish is always in a bad mood?
14. What fish is in a band?
15. What kind of fish is very lucky?
16. What fish is best to sleep with?
17. What kind of fish can get Neo out of the Matrix?
18. What kind of fish would you rather eat than go to school with?
19. What kind of fish need the kiss of a princess?
20. What kind of fish are part of a common geometric construction?

Answers:

1. A rainbow fish (The Rainbow Connection)
2. Angel fish
3. Angler fish
4. A dog fish
5. A cat fish
6. A pi-ra-nha
7. A paddle fish
8. A clown fish
9. Gold fish
10. White fish
11. A huffer-puffer fish
12. A sar-dean
13. A snapper
14. A trumpet fish
15. Fluke
16. A cuddle (cuttle) fish
17. Red pill fish
18. Jerk fish
19. Toad fish
20. Tetra-hedron.

The quiet of the morning

In a quaint apartment, bit small but suits us fine
It nice to have a morning that is absolutely mine
Before the cars start honking, and while the kids still sleep
To watch the sunshine grow outside these moments rich and deep

To be alone with just ones thought before the day begins
To think of all our loses and to also count the wins
When everywhere around me seems to suddenly be still
Before the city wakes it fills my soul up with its chill

The real story of Pinocchio

There's a story they tell of a queer kind of toy
That has only one wish just to be a real boy
But I'll tell you sonny that there's more to the story
There's the tale of how Pinocchio rose to great glory

Yes it's true that deep down that his ultimate dream
Was to be a cute boy and to marry a queen
But before he could get there he knew in his head
That he'd need some money or he might go dead

So 'nocchio thought and he thought of a scheme
So great and impressive that he'd get the queen
To say "My my my! You're impressive indeed!
That you understand the importance of greed!"

'Cause before 'nocchio dreamt for his dream to come true
He had one or two other things he thought to do
"I think it'd be great to get rich really quick"
Thought `nocchio, "yes well I just need a trick"

And the trick that he found was as close as his nose
Because everyone knows how his nose grows and grows
That a lie and a lie and another would surely make him
The best source for wood for a house or a gym

So that's what he did yeah he lied and he lied
And oh how much wood that he daily supplied
And nobody no no one could deter his vim
'til one day all wood in the world came from him

And the money he made each and every day
Flowed right right down the road to the head of the bay
He had gorgeous clothes and a sparkling ring
He was really decked out and so fit to be king

And when he was set he transformed to a boy
And searched out the queen (she's the source of his joy)
And they married - They did! - for her heart he had won
And that is how `nocchio came to rule the kingdom

A Poem About "About"

Once there was a young girl with the name of what about
She liked to go to school and when she did she's scream and shout
But Saturdays she'd go to church she really was devout
A charming brash young lady all together all through out

All this may have you wondering hey hey what's this about?
Is all of this just nonsense `cause I really have a doubt
Is this leading anywhere if not that well baby I'm out

Don't show them your soul

It's great to be creative - To imagine something new.
But be a little wary - don't tell'em what you drew
A soul is so important - it's so simple and so true
But they will try to break it - when they see it in your school

There's people who might tell you - go ahead and innovate
But when you do you will find - that they'll burn you at the stake
If you are a creative one - beware there's those who'd rob
You of your thoughts and of your dreams - while you are at your job

And if you are a lefty - in a town that's full of red
You really ought'nt tell folks - you might just end up dead
And if you are a righty - in a city full of blue
You'll find so much tolerance - for everyone but you

Creativity is precious - given to us from the divine
But if you want to get along - you must just get in line

Give me your money PLEASE!

 Hello this is your school
You know we're really cool
We're planning a sensation
Will you give a donation?

Hello please tell me please
Please pay your condo fees
Your payment there it goes
But what it buys who knows?

Hello my name is Lain
I'm running a campaign
And if I lose then all is lost
So can you give don't think of cost?

Hello this is your bank
Our customers we thank
Please stay with us oh pretty please
We really like to charge you fees

So... Give me all your money PLEASE!

The end of the world

Well it happened one day in a far future world
It all came to a stop and not one thing still twirled
And nobody nobody not even one
Had any ideas no not even a one

One day all awoke to discover their fate
All ideas had been thought on an earlier date
And now to have just a dream even so small
Well it wasn't allowed! It is against the law

Because on this day on that day when it happened
It turned out that every idea was already patented
So even a thought no matter how meek
Was not legal it was not! So no one could speak.

And one day a young boy said "I want to skate"
And somebody told him "you know your too late"

"Thinking of skating is patented see?
So I would avoid it - but that is just me"

And one day a small girl said "I want a flower"

And everyone turned and they gave her a glower

"Why are you thinking who gave you the power?
You are out of your mind now you go take a shower!"

You might think that to speak is an essential right
But you couldn't do it with all of your might
Not a problem with tasting or with your eyesight
The problem was you did not have copyright

So no one could think and no no one could talk
So around and around and around they all walked
And the happiest people they all were in jail
Where they would make merry and go tell a tale

Superlatives

Of all the words in English a number have been blessed
I'm talking 'bout superlatives they simply are the best.

So why be proud it's like your cowed when you can be the proudest
Who cares about a harmony - go on - go be the loudest

If you're just strong it's not enough it's far from counting even
Because it's clear to be the best you must be Herculean

And sometimes it's not all that hard you only need an increment
A few letters get you from a sad "impotent" to "omnipotent"

If you live a blissful life it's a life that's not the fullest
A little creativity and blissful goes to blissfulest! 

And don't just try to aim for doing all that's possiblest
Because beyond this if you try you can discover awesome-el-ist!

A good life is a life that's lived out quite ferocious
But a superlative life is one that's (I bet you see this coming) 

Super-cali-fragilistic-expi-alidocious!

The Obstreperous Child

 Do you want to... No!
What about a... Go!
Will you take a break?
Does your body ache?
I just want to be left alone, for goodness sake!

Will you eat your... Nope!
Can you see the... Rope? I can (I'm not a dope)
Might you eat the... Not!
Then to bed and... Stop!
You can't make me you dope!

I know what to... huh?
I think then you'll be... wha?
If I just make you... Stop stop stop!
Eat candy... No! What, what's that you said?

I said eat some candy... Wee!
But now you can't... I do not see
I might have if you were adventurous
But you're just so so so obstreperous.

The Real Tooth Fairy

 As we all know children must lose their teeth
'Cause everyone knows that there's one underneath
Just itching and scratching and ready to go
For new biting new chewing and for the new show

So losing a tooth is the natural way
It's just growing older that what people say
But then there's the story it isn't so scary
About how the tooth must then get to the fairy

The Tooth Fairy's wise oh she's terribly good
But there's more here to learn than what's under the hood
'Cause she's got a bad side - oh why didn't you know?
Then I'll tell the tale if your ready - let's go!

The sweet little Fairy has got a dark secret
And if she told you she'd sure make you keep it
That after a night where there is the tooth swap
That she then trades the tooth oh yeah yeah you know what?

The tooth is then swapped the next day for pork bellies
And then swapped again in an hour into delhis
And then into shady investments they go
Like timeshares in chalets out there in Bordeaux

And then with a slight tiny wave of her wand
It all gets transformed into government bonds
The bonds into futures and before you can yawn
From there see the lines of credit that spawn

And once she's all done with her trades for the day
The market's a wreck but the fairy's okay
She's got oodles of money hidden under the carpet
And she's managed to crash the entire stock market

Daddy I'm bored!

Daddy daddy I'm bored!

I need a new toy or a cord

(Dad) How bout this bee? No that's too young for me

I was thinking can I have a sword?

Daddy daddy I'm hungry

I could go eat a whole country
(Dad) How bout this sprout? No not what I'm talkin' bout

Can I have a cake that's quite buttery?

Daddy daddy I know I'm a fool
But I scrapped up my knee by the pool

(Dad) We must clean the wound - Oh my god I am doomed!

No please STOP! But can I skip school?

Daddy daddy can we watch a movie?

Something not so mature something groovy

(Dad) One from National Geographic? No... Wait that would be fantastic

Let's get started I can't wait to see

Life In The Dystopia

What is true and what is not?
It's really hard to know
To deal with all this culture rot
Please uncork the Bordeaux

That have a word they like to use
And that word is "dystopia"
Where they win and where you lose
It's not a nice utopia

Republicans and Democrats
Are at each other's throat-ias
One says "dog" the other "cat"
Who is right? Yes well who knows-ia?

An iPhone or an Android
To call up on your phone-ia
All because you fell annoyed
To feel so all alone-ia

Which books are good? Which books are bad?
There's no one where to warn-ya
Perhaps the answer can be had
On the streets of fair Bologna

Dystopia dystopia

You have me on a rope-ia

When we all have esotropia(1)

Cause life's a three ring show-ia

(1)"Esotropia, a type of eye misalignment, happens when one or both eyes turn inward toward your nose" - found through Rhymezone.com-ia, because otherwise I wouldn't know-ia!

It is all about caring

Fellow Americans on the left and the right
It is time to surrender and give up the fight
It's not that important the colors we're wearing
It's much more important that we all start caring

There Biden on one side and he might just win
But then there is Trump who'd be Pres once agin

But listen to me because I have a warning
We must come together and stop global warming

The cultural war's roiling and folks want to win
On which books are good and which shouldn't be in
But I want to tell you though it isn't fantastic
We must work together to stop pollution microplastic

Too busy to care

COVID took a million plus within the USA
Does anyone remember them? It's sad I have to say
But even with this loss of life and if we look real square
America's just too busy, much too busy to ever care

And do we care about the docs who took care of the sicker?
Not really all we care about's that the richer are getting richer
So too those who've worked so very hard to save so many dreams
It's done move on oh come along it's onto the next thing

For those who joined the army and fought in all our wars
The battered and the beaten who come home with all their sores
If you think that coming home you'll find folks grateful for your dare
I sadly have to tell you won't - because America's too busy to even care

The kids who had nutritious food all thanks to the child tax credit
We're far too busy don't you know for us to even sweat it.
The immigrants who need some help in raising their native kids
You are a burden on us and so I'm sorry but we much rid
Us of you even though we know you've never done a wrong
But we are just too busy - move along now move along 

The Power of Tea

My tea is mighty
Ur tea is dirty
Her tea is flirty
His tea is misty

No tea is naughty
Some tea haughty
All tea is malty
Sea tea is salty

... And so on, and so forth... to infini-tea