The School of Ten Cries

You think I'm a baby but I'll tell you guys
About all the training I got at 'Ten Cries'
'Ten Cries' its a school for young babies you see
So that babies can be just the best they can be!

Cry one is the simplest - it starts with a wail
To wake up the family or shake up a snail
Cry two is more subtle it starts with a snort
It says "I'm still hungry now get back to work!"

After that we moved on to cry three and cry four
One is for less sounds and one is for more
They didn't inform us of which one was which
They said, "try them both and then watch how they twitch!"

By five six and seven we started to know
Who was an amateur and who would go pro
The either cry resounding and filling the halls
Waking up rodents and bouncing off walls

The ninth cry more quiet with a subtlety
Which brings us to ten - Triumphant! A true revelry!

You now know my secret you know of my plan
But go try to stop me -Hah!- see if you can!
It may seem unfair, you may call me a jerk
But I am the master, now get back to work!

Damnable in America

The bible says there's seven sins most evil in this life
But I say *pssh* that's olden times no need for all that strife

In fact in modern times you're unaware I must presume
For the only sin we have these days is if you don't consume!

Gluttony *pssh* what a crock! Go give it a good try
Eat and eat and eat but also buy and buy and buy!

They say that you're too greedy? Take too much for yourself?
Well tell them buy another one there's much more on the shelf

Pride? Such utter nonsense to deny yourself self-love
You've got your Visa Mastercard and that diamond studded glove!

Envy is a good thing something that I endorse
If your friend should have a pony well then you should buy a horse!

And please don't let the haters talk of sloth at all
Just because you ride in style while they walk to the mall

Go no be vain why not okay for that's what money's for
Spend it on your Gucci bags don't give it to the poor!

And wrath is no big deal my friends and I will tell you why
It's really not so sinful ... just remember buy buy buy!

My baby has her momma's thighs - Country Music(?) Song

(chorus)
My baby has her momma's thighs
My baby has her momma's thighs
Well she's got my hair and she's got my eyes
But my baby has got her momma's thighs

A year ago her mom said "Hal"
The time has come! Get ready now
I'm a good ol' wife and I want my prize
I want a little baby with her momma's thighs

(chorus)

Now I never did see a kid so cute
Smiles at me with her one short tooth
And she can make a ruckus with all the guys
But my baby has got her momma's thighs

(chorus)

A word beyond compare

Did you know? I think you know
A word beyond compare
It isn't terse - not in this verse
And it isn't a foul swear

It isn't a superlative
And it isn't very rare
It isn't 'and' or 'but' or 'with'
And it isn't 'underwear'

It isn't astronomical
Or written in the starts
It can't be gastronomical
Or from Jupiter or Mars

But when I'm with my wife and child
Both straight from heaven sent
The word of words to rule all words?
Well that word is 'content'

Quiet

A little quite had sometimes
It calms the soul absolves your crimes
A precious moment so sublime
For musing on some dorky rhymes

Quiet time you cannot miss
A little person sleeps in bliss
Angelic visage beholding this
All is right... Nothing's amiss

The baby sleeps inside her chair
Without a whim, without a care
Like an Angel come to bear
She glows with light - she sleeps on air

Options for Exercise

Wake up wake up let's go out!
I could use some exercise
C'mon now don't make me shout
Work my pecs my abs & thighs

Swing? Sure but just 1 thing
A bathing suit I did not bring
What about a 10 mile run?
Sounds great... but too much sin

Tennis balls you'd like to hit?
Whoa I'm not sure that I'd like it
Or paddle in a big canoe?
But that's the one thing I never do

Maybe we could take a walk
Assuming that my leg won't balk
What's that then? You want to ski?
You should go that's not for me

So maybe we'll stay in today
The two of us in bed all day
All the sights we will miss out
But maybe we will still work out?